There are three kinds of lies I have told since I have gone into recovery.
The lies I tell myself: “This is too hard, I am never going to get better and Kevin is here to stay.”
The lies Kevin tells me: “Don’t eat that snack or meal, you aren’t hungry. This isn’t your eating disorder talking.”
The lies I tell other people: “Yes I had lunch, no I am just going to eat later and I don’t worry I haven’t been exercising to satisfy my ED”
Eating disorders are inherently deceptive, in order to survive lying is essential. They force you to suppress the truth, the emotions and the thoughts. I wanted to take a moment to apologise to myself and other people for my dishonesty. I have done a lot of things because of my eating disorder and lied about them. I regularly struggle with the Red Ridinghood complex. If I am in a good space, I can be very honest, and when I am in a bad space the lies come thick and fast. Kevin has taught me to lie a bit too well.
People with eating disorders do not want to lie. I most certainly never have but Kevin wants me to, all the time. Also, if you are struggling with the lies or you know someone who is lying to you, PLEASE whatever you do, do not get angry. It will make everything worse, more intense and often lead to a complete ED honesty channel shut down. Also, people with EDs most likely know their lies and actions are immoral, unethical and self-detrimental. So maybe don’t remind them of that? A lot of eating disorders start from a place of self-loathing and can be very cruel with their internal narrative.
Most often, all you need to do is support the person. You can know they are lying without telling them. I am always most honest when I feel supported and unafraid my honesty might mean something gets taken away from me, specifically my freedom. People with an eating disorder are not deceptive people, their ED’s are the deceptive culprits.
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