I have written about this before, but no one really quite tells you what you are getting yourself into when you commit to anorexia.
Recently, I was diagnosed with small intestinal bacterial overgrowth (SIBO), gastroparesis, and mild steatorrhea. I have been experiencing pretty unpleasant gastrointestinal problems for at least a year and things sort of spiralled after travelling this summer.
I finally took myself off to a GI doctor who sent me on my way with an abundance of paper, pills, and tests to get done. I had a blood test, a breath test, and a gastric emptying study, which led me to discover my recent diagnosis. These tests were not fun and really affected my mood with their unpleasant preparation periods and ridiculous time lengths. I guess it was worth it as I finally have an answer to all my intestinal pain.
The doctor first put me on Linzess and then another stomach motility medication. Starting tomorrow, I also begin a two-week course of antibiotics for bacterial overgrowth. My body HATED Linzess. I didn’t think my stomach problems could get worse but Linzess proved me wrong. It was a nasty week: my belly swole up and I had some God-awful cramping. Now I just take the stomach motility medication and it is actually doing a whole host of good for my tummy. I have had to do a complete diet overhaul but thankfully I have a dietician to help; she’s guiding me through this new minefield of eating the right foods at the right time. For the last few years, the doctors told me the answer to my constipation problems was more fibre….turns out that was the worst possible thing for my gastroparesis.
It has been an arduous process getting all the tests, appointments, diagnosis, and medication but at least now I know what is going on. However, one thing has plagued my mind: if I never got anorexia I could have escaped this whole mess.
When I started restricting all I really thought about was losing weight, fitting into new clothes, trying to abate my body dysmorphia by toning my legs, and attempting to gain the body confidence I craved. Now knowing all the mess, tests, and medications that come with the long-term side effects of this eating disorder I don’t think I would have bothered. It is really hard not to be frustrated, angry, disappointed and annoyed with myself. I have created the medical quagmire I am now trying to get myself out of. And somehow the ED voice still exists in my brain and worms its way into my thoughts!!
There is no going back and changing the commitment I made – while in a very sad place – to my eating disorder. I really want to reiterate to those out there who commend others for quick weight loss and idolise thin disordered bodies just how many medical complications come alongside it. I know it has made my life pretty miserable and uncomfortable, especially when I am unable to have a bowel movement for over a week and can’t help burping after every meal. The thin body will never, ever make the physical and mental long-term side effects of anorexia worth the cost.