I made it. I’m here. I’m officially living some subverted version of the American Dream and loving it. However, I would be lying if I said there haven't been some challenges.
Sorting out the complete and utter change in diet and lifestyle all on my lonesome has taken a large amount of resilience. I am on a college meal plan and spending dining dollars. I serve myself every meal with the subconscious knowledge that I am drinking alcohol alongside eating sugary and sodium high food. It is all so radically different to anything I have had to do in my recovery so far. And let’s not forget the socialising that occurs at most meals. Okay, it hasn’t all been smooth sailing but thankfully the boat has not come close to capsizing.
I am adopting the tactic of making myself so extraordinarily busy that I never have enough time to really be in my head because that is a rather scary and daunting affair. Even as I am writing this, my moment to breathe and pause and reflect it is in-between going to meet a friend. I have exactly a 10 minute window. I am most definitely seizing everything thrown my way, taking every opportunity, meeting knew and interesting people but at the expense of any form of self care.
As well, (ughhhhh I know I shouldn’t talk about it) I have not weighed myself in a really long time and I am going to get weighed on Tuesday and I am already anxious and nervous for it. The restrictive tendencies have wondered in a bit but I am trying my best to satisfy my hunger and not over exercise. I wear whatever I want no matter what Kevin bloody says about the possible number on the stupid bloody scales.
Baby steps but I am getting there. If I can prove to myself this year that I can do it on my own I have faith somewhere along the line I might be able to live a semi-normal life where I do not obsess about my meals or step count. I am optimistic and happy currently but I know I need to slow things down a bit because there is no point being so social to the point of crashing.
Take a breath and pause Georgia. It is definitely needed because oh my God it has been a busy and INTENSE week.