I made it back! I had an amazing break, which was much needed. It was a lovely time, and I recouped enough to get well for the semester ahead. Don’t get me wrong, I am very excited for everything in-store and the adventures and lessons I am going to learn. But I’m scared. Actually, sometimes petrified.
I worked really hard to get everything in place for my transition back. I am beginning weekly therapy, I’m taking one less class, and I am prioritising self-care and even saying no sometimes! However, it’s still a lot. I’m going to have to put on weight. A lot of it. This notion is not something I am too happy about. Well, Kevin isn’t happy about it. I am very scared about how I’m going to react mentally and physically. I am stable right now, but I am still not getting my period and I am getting really tired.
I forget that sometimes. I simply do not have the physical and mental energy to cope with all the social and academic happenings like my friends. I have been getting pretty annoyed with myself about that recently. I wish I didn’t get as exhausted as other people and was able to concentrate as well as they can. But I have to remind myself not to be so harsh; I have bradycardia, a sinus arrhythmia, and am underweight, of course I can’t bloody do it all!! I hate that I have to deal with this during my “prime” years, as I feel I am not 100%.
Yet, I need to accept this. Only through acceptance can I hopefully find a sustainable balance to help me get my college life back on track and continue to grow as a person. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say, and so this year I am not going to compare so much and do what makes me happy.
No slip ups so far this year. Everything is on track…So bring on week one of in-person classes! But a reminder to anyone recovering from an eating disorder: your body is in rehab so don’t try and do it all. If you prioritise rest you will be able to enjoy classes and fun social events even more :).
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