Probably one of the weirdest things to try and get people to understand is that I actually really love food, especially good food. I always have. I love to cook, bake, enjoy and indulge in the glory of all things food.
I remember distinctly one conversation with my dietician when I was in treatment surrounding the topic of chocolate cake (one of my favourite things ever).
I said rather dryly and exasperatedly in a group therapy session ‘All I really want is a slice of chocolate cake for my afternoon snack but that is just too difficult at the moment’
To which she responded: ‘Is it though? Your body is craving it and you clearly want it and warming to the idea of it. Challenge yourself Georgia’
So I did. I ate some cake and it was marvellous.
One of the things Kevin took away from me was my ability to give myself permission. He would give it and take it away depending on how much exercise I did that day and the morning number on the scales. As my thought patterns became more ingrained so did the need for his permission when picking what to eat for a meal. It was so lovely to feel that permission again when entering recovery. To eat what I was craving, challenge myself and enjoy it. The guilt after eating a ‘fear food’ in treatment was probably one of the hardest things to overcome and something I am still overcoming. I try to remind myself that I do not need to compensate in some other area, but that chocolate cake, pancakes and bananas are all part of a healthy balanced diet and I am allowed to enjoy eating them!!
Rediscovery has been my theme of the week keeping me on my recovery track. Rediscovering myself, the self without the harsh ED thoughts, the self which bakes with butter and not yoghurt, and most importantly the self which eats chocolate cake.
Cheers to food, cause lets be real my fellow foodies out there, it is fucking fantastic
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