I did it! I made it through my first semester of college without any major disasters. It was hard, harder than I thought at points, but I got through in one piece!
However, it is clear that I am going to need a bit more support. I need a hard reset and recharge over Christmas. But my family know that and I can trust in their love and support. I also know that when I go back to college I am going to need some more counselling. AND THAT IS OKAY. Asking for and needing help is not a sign of weakness it is actually a major strength because you are able to relinquish independence and in turn gain the support you need.
I have a great team of carers around me in all sorts of different forms and I know they will be able to help me come up with a plan that will serve my needs best. Going solo was not easy and when school, homesickness, and socialising got hard, I slipped into old habits. They just happened to look slightly different because I am not the same person with an eating disorder as when I first went into recovery and sneakily crept up on me. I let them creep in, but now I am going to work hard to kick them out.
I am going back to basics: three nutritious meals a day, gentle exercise, warm baths, and family time. I have finals and papers to get through first...but I can make those work alongside my mental and physical needs. It was a huge learning curve and I did a blind deep dive. I am proud of what I have achieved in these few months and if I want to carry on thriving I know I am going to need to reset. I began over Thanksgiving and I plan to continue and hopefully not relapse and stop.
It has been a whirlwind few months but now I am ready to be grounded back in myself, identity, routine, and mindset before I tackle my next deep dive into the unknown of the second semester!
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